{"id":4158,"date":"2021-05-14T15:51:08","date_gmt":"2021-05-14T14:51:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/?p=4158"},"modified":"2021-05-17T08:32:39","modified_gmt":"2021-05-17T07:32:39","slug":"hugging-ask-first-dont-assume-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/consent-coalition\/hugging-ask-first-dont-assume-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Hugging? Ask First-Don&#8217;t Assume"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wpb-content-wrapper\">[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<strong>After a year of social distancing, Notts SVSS look at how we can talk about hugging, contact and consent&#8230;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It is hard to believe that only a year ago most of us were huddled around our screens listening for the latest news over the pandemic.\u00a0 It seemed that there was no end in sight.\u00a0 Fast forward a year and we have been told that from 17 May we will be allowed to hug again.*<\/p>\n<p>Yes, after a year of social distancing, it is not surprising that so many people are looking forward to the time when hugging is finally allowed.\u00a0 Freedom \u2013 even if it is one where we still have to calculate risk.<\/p>\n<p>And we don\u2019t want to put a dampener on things\u2026 but for some people this will be a real struggle. Some of us have never identified as being \u2018huggy.\u2019\u00a0 Others will have got used to having their own space and that ease of being able to move around without hassle.\u00a0 Where <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/world\/2021\/mar\/10\/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds\">stats show that around four-fifths of young women have been sexually harassed<\/a>, the imminent hug-fest that is being mentioned by some is not a comfortable thought.\u00a0 For survivors of sexual violence, things can be extra hard.<\/p>\n<p>Claire** is a survivor of domestic abuse and sexual violence.\u00a0 Her experience of the lockdowns has been mixed.\u00a0 Even though she was single, there was a time of making peace with what was going on.\u00a0 \u2018When home has not always been a safe space, it was very hard to be there all day.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>But outdoors she managed to find her own way and claim her own space.\u00a0 \u2018I felt I could move around unhindered.\u00a0 When someone stood too close to me in a queue I would turn around and say loudly \u201cyou need to stand right back\u201d and they would.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had so much power.\u00a0 I have never been listened to in that way.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Moving on a year, people have become more used to being on their own.\u00a0 And while many of us will have a list of well-thought-out people we want to hug first, the fact is many of us have also felt what it is like to have our own protected space.\u00a0 We have also realised that it is okay to assert our space &#8211; even if it was covid-enabled.<\/p>\n<p>And this is where our issue is.\u00a0 Because, the right to assert our own space and feel safe in it should not have needed a global pandemic to start.\u00a0 It should have been a given.\u00a0 A woman should be able to walk outdoors without being assaulted.\u00a0 A child should be able to walk to school without being whistled at from a car.\u00a0 A man should be able to choose who he accepts a hug from.<\/p>\n<p>And this is where consent is important.\u00a0 Not just consent when being sexually intimate but actually in the daily to and fro of life.\u00a0 And yes, people should ask us if we want a hug, not just because of covid but because they are asking to touch our bodies over which we have control.<\/p>\n<p>People have started sharing on social media messages that \u2018just because we can hug, doesn\u2019t mean I want to.\u2019\u00a0 And after a year of finding different ways of showing affection to one another it is really important that we all ask first and don\u2019t assume.\u00a0 This can be done in so many ways, \u2018asking do you want a hug?\u2019 and respecting the answer is not that hard.\u00a0 Offering \u2018it\u2019s okay if you don\u2019t want to\u2026\u2019 will show that you really are open to being told &#8216;no&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p>When meeting up with friends you might want to discuss it first.\u00a0 You might want to only hug family for the time being or a couple of close friends.\u00a0 You might want to hug people but wait until you have been vaccinated first.\u00a0 Or you might want to show you care in other ways, making a heart shape with your hands, bringing cakes to a picnic, sending a card, the choice is yours.<\/p>\n<p>We have created some social media posts to help promote the idea of asking first, which would be great if you could share.\u00a0 You can also use them to start a discussion with those you are close to or take a screenshot to store on your phone, just in case.<\/p>\n<p>However the next stage of lockdown unfolds for you we hope it goes well.\u00a0 If you need support with setting boundaries or to talk about consent or other issues, we are here for you.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>*This article reflects changes happening in England correct at the time of publication. Please do ensure you follow the up-to-date rules wherever you are.<\/p>\n<p>**Name has been changed to protect identity.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=&#8221;1\/4&#8243;][vc_column_text]<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"shareimage alignnone size-full wp-image-4148\" src=\"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/hugs-no-thanks-300x251.png\" alt=\"Not everyone will want to hug on May 17th. Ask First - Don't Assume'\" width=\"300\" height=\"251\" data-title=\"Hugs - No Thanks\" data-url=\"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/hugging-ask-first-dont-assume\/\" \/>[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Not everyone will want to hug on May 17th. Ask First &#8211; Don&#8217;t Assume[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=&#8221;1\/4&#8243;][vc_column_text]<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"shareimage alignnone size-full wp-image-4147\" src=\"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/anyone-not-missing-hugging-this-last-year-300x251.png\" alt=\"Not everyone will want to hug on May 17th. Ask First - Don't Assume'\" width=\"300\" height=\"251\" data-title=\"Hugging is not for everyone\" data-url=\"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/hugging-ask-first-dont-assume\/\" \/>[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Not everyone will want to hug on May 17th. Ask First &#8211; Don&#8217;t Assume[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=&#8221;1\/4&#8243;][vc_column_text]<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"shareimage alignnone size-full wp-image-4150\" src=\"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/some-people-like-a-hug-300x251.png\" alt=\"Some people really like a hug. But not me... not just yet\" width=\"300\" height=\"251\" data-title=\"Some people like a hug.\" data-url=\"https:\/\/nottssvss.org.uk\/hugging-ask-first-dont-assume\/\" \/>[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Some people really like a hug. But not me&#8230; not just yet[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=&#8221;1\/4&#8243;][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After a year of social distancing, Notts SVSS look at how we can talk about hugging, contact and consent&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4154,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-consent-blogs"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Hugging? 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