Freshers’ Week – The Pressure

The freshers’ bubble

Freshers’ Week is a whirlwind. You meet dozens of new people. You stay out late. Everything feels fast-paced.

There is an unspoken rule in the air. You feel like you must have the best time ever. You feel like you must hook up, go to every party, and say yes to everything. That pressure can be heavy – it can make people ignore their own gut feelings.

What pressure looks like

Pressure is not always a direct threat. Often it is subtle, and it can even be self-directed.

• It is the FOMO (fear of missing out) when your flatmates go out
• It is a drink pushed into your hand
• It is someone trying to persuade you a second or third time after you already said no
• It is the internal voice telling you that going along with things is easier than making a fuss

It can be difficult to ground yourself in these situations. Having an excuse handy can help, as can taking yourself off to the toilet in order to breathe, gather your thoughts, and decide what you really want to do.

We also know it isn’t always that easy though, so if you find yourself pressured into something you don’t want to do, please also be kind to yourself. Coercion negates consent and you are not to blame for what happened.

Consent

Consent is not a legal checklist you rush through. It is an ongoing conversation. If you’re the one doing all the persuading and applying the pressure, ask yourself:

• Are they enthusiastic? A real ‘yes’ sounds sure and clear. Silence or hesitation is not a yes.
• Are they aware? If someone is too drunk or high to stand or speak clearly, they cannot consent.
• Are they sure? Both of you can change your mind at any point. Even if you started kissing someone, you can stop or say ‘I want to go home’ five minutes later.

If the person you’re with does not respect a changed mind, they are not a safe person to be with.

How to protect your peace

You do not have to perform the ‘perfect’ university life. Other people’s socials are curated versions of reality. Your own reality is just as valid.

• Trust your instincts: If a situation feels off, leave. You do not need a polite excuse.
• Check on your mates: Stick together. If you see your friend looking overwhelmed in a conversation or a club, pull them away.
• Remember your worth: Real friends and partners will respect your boundaries. If someone gets angry or moody because you said no, they are letting you know that they are not safe to be around.
• Make time for the things that make you feel good: Whether it’s sport, reading, music, art, dancing or cooking, don’t lose sight of you.

Take a breath. You have got years ahead of you. You do not have to do everything tonight.

Safe Space Pledge

Safe Space Notts is a network of accredited safe spaces where anyone who is feeling vulnerable can find immediate support.  A mixture of pubs, clubs, shops and other venues are all signed up to the scheme, meaning they have:

• Staff who are trained to respond and intervene if a person feels unsafe in their venue
• Ask for Angela (ask any member of staff if ‘Angela’ is in and they will know this is a request for support)
• A physical safe space where staff can offer non-judgemental support and help you decide what you want to do next

The scheme has its own website, including an interactive map which shows you where your nearest safe space is.  Download it to your phone screen and it will appear as an app, connecting you to support if and when you need it.

Call to Action

There are lots of things you can do this Freshers week to bring a positive start to your university life:

• Save the Safe Space Notts interactive map to your phone screen and look up venues close to where you will be #JustInCase
• Follow @ConsentInNotts on Facebook and Instagram for up to date information and messages covering all areas of consent
• Know about the support available at your university for a whole range of things:
  • University of Nottingham – Report and Support https://reportandsupport.nottingham.ac.uk/
  • Nottingham Trent University – Report and Support https://reportandsupport.ntu.ac.uk/